A friend of mine wrote this article for a newspaper a few months back. I felt her advice is relevant to all ages and genders looking for love or a partner in life...
About your psychotic girlfriend
By Gang Badoy
Philippine Daily Inquirer
Last updated 17:51:00 01/23/2009
MY dearest nephew,
You are now a man and have been going through your share of demented relationships while I just silently watch from the sides of the ring.
I wish I had more time with you so I can tell you what I’ve learned about the psychosis of girlfriends, having been one a few times myself. I’m not sure I qualify as psychotic though, as I fight fair more often than not. I do not employ the pouting mouth tactics nor the breathy Marilyn-Monroe-cleavage-state move. I have neither the voice nor the chest to do so.
I’m afraid I have to be brutally frank with you, my boy, as it seems like your Mom will never be able to do this with you because she is your parent. That’s how it goes. As I did not give birth to you, nor do I feel any obligation to society or any Jesuit alma mater to produce “Men for Others,” I will tell it to you straight. You will “fall in love” with someone very wrong at some point in your life. Hopefully it will be a passing fancy and that after a while you will dump that nymphet and proceed to the higher level of woman partners. Always level up, like the video game moguls say. Incidentally, I say, “fall in love” because after much scrutiny you will realize it’s just hormones and availability and proximity talking. Ouch, I know.
A lot like love
Yes, you will always mistake sexual attraction for love because they look a lot alike and you will also mistake love for acquisition or conquest—they release the same serotonin brain squirts and yes, if your Mom or Dad raised you to worry about society and image, you will also mistake being “socially-acceptably-coupled” as love, too. These things are not totally wrong, but none of them are exactly right either. Sexual attraction is great, a feeling of conquest and achievement is good for character, and societal norms are good to follow but they are not the absolute lines we follow when choosing a life partner.
Believe me, habit and the feeling of financial security can look a lot like love, too—so be wary. And be smarter than the rules. Hell, even be smarter than this set of words I’m stringing for you now.
I’m Auntie Gang and I will never want anything bad to happen to you, I assure you. But for your demented girlfriend, I will wish her all ill if she ever does anything sociopathic like embarrass you in public, freak out on your friends, bash your male pride online or emotionally cheat on you by whatever means. (We talked about this before, remember? And there are many ways for a moodswinging egocentric harlot to cheat on you sans sleeping with another man. So again, keep those lenses focused on your sanity—not hers. That’s her parents’ responsibility, not yours.)
Next, don’t ever feel guilty about anything that happened to her in the past. Especially if you weren’t the one who inflicted her pain. She cannot throw those misfortunes at you and emotionally blackmail you into thinking that you ought to be her protector. This also doesn’t mean that you should allow her leeway and give her exemptions from bad behavior because she was once hurt. Well, don’t let her throw that sh* on you. Hurt, my tush, aren’t we all? So, no. That won’t fly. That is not healthy. You don’t want to be there. If I were you, leave her alone, pick a shade and watch her undo herself on her own. It won’t take too long.
Emotional blackmail
If it’s a sturdy partnership you want, something that can possibly produce offsprings that will become pillars of society—Do. Not. Stay. With. Someone. Who. Emotionally. Blackmails. You. Do. Not. Just. Don’t.
Jesus, you’re a smart guy, stay with someone who will not only support you but also expand your universe by having a world of her own to introduce to you. You cannot (and I will not allow your mind to shrink so small) wrap yourself around her world and neither can you make her wrap her world around yours either. You have to have two separate galaxies so when you are together you have two galaxies’ worth of conversation, adventure, learning and laughter. No shrinking allowed.
Do not adjust what you hold important just to keep your sniveling little princess who rebonds her hair like it was federally required.
You’re still aching, I know. You’re still checking your phone if she sent an SMS. If it had a smiling face. If it had your name on it. If it had those squiggly stuff that comes with pressing a bit more on one letter so that the letters look like they’re wearing scarves. Stop. I know. Believe me, I see it. You miss her and God knows no one can make you stop feeling that.
So okay, if you want to see if you can still fix it, if you think that despite her staging psychotic meltdowns for relaxation you want to stay then I shall just equip you with what I have learned about dealing with young romance.
I feel for you, my nephew, because women are not the most direct beings on the planet.
The World’s Mysteries are as follows:
1. Young women
2. Those big rock slabs arranged on Salisbury Plain
3. How Filipino politicians and greedy landlords sleep at night
PhD-level Math problems are easier to understand than some of the things my friends have said to their boyfriends. I know because I’ve done it too.
He: What’s the matter?
Me: Nothing.
When it comes to certain emotionally-charged issues, women prefer to use indirect communication because we can find out a lot more about men with a few misleading statements.
You see, the way a guy reacts to each mysterious thing she says is a test to see if her boyfriend is a mind reader. She wants to know if you can read her mind.
That, to a woman, is the truest measure of love. No, it’s not enough that you remember to leave the toilet seat down. If you could just master the mind-reading thing, you can get away with leaving the seat up forever.
No. I am not betraying my sex by clueing you in on this, I am doing this out of charity. Because the faster you know what your girlfriend means, the faster she gets what she wants. That’s a lot better than waiting for you to figure it out.
She says: “Nothing’s wrong.” (And it’s followed by any or all of the following: silence, tears, the sound of your iPod or a guitar being smashed to pieces, looking away theatrically or the sound of your door locking.)
She means: “Something you did a minute/an hour/three years ago upset me, and if you really loved me you’d know what it was.”
What you should do: Say something like, “Level with me here. Tell me what’s bothering you so we can talk about it and fix it.”
What you should NOT do: Say, “Fine!” just so you can watch TV uninterrupted while she texts another guy friend to pick her up from your place.
When she says: “I’ll be ready in five minutes.”
She means: “Sit down, have a beer, read ‘Noli Me Tangere’ if you like...”
What you should do: Look for the TV remote, you’re not going anywhere for at least an hour.
This is all I have for now. Tell me if you want more. If not, just break up with her. Lots of fish out there, believe me—and not all are as demented as her. Everybody prunes up when they get older. You might as well be with a nice, funny, stable prune.
Love Always,
Auntie Gang
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